Filippo Grandi, the outgoing Commissioner-General of the United Nations Relief and Works Agency, is now making his farewell tour as his term of office comes to an end. Not surprisingly, those who have worked with him over the years are praising him as a dedicated humanitarian who has steered the Agency through increasingly perilous times: chronic budget short-falls; strikes and labour unrest; the devastating social and economic effects of Israeli and Egyptian restrictions on Gaza; continued Israeli occupation of the West Bank; the adverse circumstances and marginalization of Palestinian refugees in Lebanon; the tragic devastation of a bloody civil war in Syria; and—last, but certainly not least—the failures of the “peace process” and thus the lack of a just resolution of the Palestinian refugee issue. Commentators will no doubt praise his dedication and leadership. They most likely will note that he always saw himself as serving the Palestinian refugee community on behalf of the international community, rather than simply doing a job. Some may comment on his willingness to hear new ideas, and to listen to competing views with empathy and open-mindedness. A few may even praise his sense of humour, which rarely seemed to desert him despite the many challenges he has faced.
We at Palestinian Refugee ResearchNet feel, however, that there is a need to set the record straight—for while Filippo Grandi may have impressed many as an energetic and selfless humanitarian, we see a much more nefarious picture. We therefore present The Grandi Files.
PRRN has been in the vanguard of those uncovering UNRWA’s involvement in many dark conspiracies as part of Filippo Grandi’s cunning plans to achieve world domination. It was us, for example, that first unmasked UNRWA as a cover acronym for Underhanded Nogooders for Really Wicked Activities.
As previously suggested on this blog, there is every reason to believe that Filippo Grandi and Dr. Evil are closely related—twins, clones, or perhaps even the same person. The physical resemblance is striking.
While many might think that the failures of the peace process are attributable to a hardline Israeli government, internal Palestinian divisions, poor leadership from the US and international community, and the inherent difficulty and complexity of the issues at stake, dedicated investigative journalism has proven that UNRWA itself is the one that has single-handedly blocked progress to peace. Who knew a UN Agency consisting largely of teachers, doctors, and nurses had such power!
Resettling Hamas Terrorists in the US
According to certain right-wing American blogs, UNRWA is in league with Barack “Hussein” Obama to settle Hamas terrorists in the United States, in the guise of refugees. That just has to be true, right?
We believe Filippo Grandi to have been personally responsible for the temporary abduction of “Relief and Works Agency” (or “RWA” to his friends) from the UNRWA logo. As the head of one popular committee for Palestinian refugees based in Gaza noted, “The change of UNRWA’s title is considered a very dangerous indication that could be explained due to the presence of a plan against Palestinian refugees especially after the latest statements by Netanyahu in which he offered to settle the Palestinian refugees outside of Palestine, something that provoked Palestinian refugees in and outside the occupied territories.”
Rumours circulated at the time that RWA was held hostage in darkened basement, until donors came up with additional funds to cover the Agency’s 2011 budget shortfall. When RWA was later released safe and unharmed, Hamas issued a formal statement condemning it all as an attempt to mislead public opinion.
Taking Bags of Cash from Suspicious People in Murky Oxford Hallways
PRRN paparazzi snapped this picture of the outgoing Commissioner-General accepting a paper bag (suspiciously labelled “pirate swag”) in that well-known miscreant hide-out known as the “Refugee Studies Centre,” part of a larger criminal cartel spoken of only as “Oxford University.” What possible legitimate explanation for this could there be? Clearly Grandi’s claim that some Canadian professor had raised UNRWA and UNHCR donations in class by dressing as a pirate are far too outlandish to be true.
Children Playing, Women Running, and Other Examples of Moral Turpitude
Under Grandi’s leadership, UNRWA has been in the forefront of those promoting the moral decline of human civilization. The Agency has, for example, organized summer camps for Gaza children, so that they might—and this is almost too horrible to contemplate—play and have fun, despite the many difficulties of life in Gaza. Quite rightly, some militant Islamists condemned this. UNRWA has organized marathons in which some women—shock, horror—were permitted to compete (thank goodness Hamas put an end to that dubious exercise).
The Agency has also pushed forward with introducing a human rights curriculum, no doubt as part of an evil effort to create an army of free-thinking Palestinian youth with an expanded knowledge of human rights in the modern world.
Cult of Personality
Not content with being head of one of the UN’s largest humanitarian agencies, Grandi’s mad lust for power led him to promote a bizarre cult of personality in which he would be known as the “Supreme Chef.” Only quick action by his staff apparently stopped the distribution of official UNRWA aprons bearing the likeness of a smiling “Supreme Chef” to all Agency personnel!
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And so, as the Commissioner-General leaves UNRWA—doubtless to engage in other “worthwhile” activities somewhere else in the world—we at PRRN have a stark warning: Don’t be taken in by his good nature, hard work, or commitment to human rights and humanitarianism. This man is dangerous… and we’ll be watching.